Just to provide a counter point you don't hear. I have two kids and very much wish I didn't. I love my kids. I sacrifice for them. There are many moments of great joy. However, I don't really have a life any more. I would rather spend my time traveling, visiting friends, playing music. I would rather have more money. I would rather be healthier. I would rather have time for my hobbies. Being a good parent is a lot and nearly all consuming. I feel like a lot of people feel like I do but are too decent to say it out loud.
I used to think this is where I am heading, until reading “Hunt, Gather, Parent”, and realizing that being a good parent does not mean my existence as an individual needs to stop. Me and my kids can co-exist. I just need to let go of controlling their lives.
I don't know if you're already aware of it, but there's a subreddit called /r/regretfulparents that is basically a public support group for people who feel similarly to you. You might find some comfort there.
You are not alone, and I would encourage you to ignore anyone who says you are a bad person for regretting a one way door many default to. I had kids, but I wouldn't do it again knowing what I know now. If these ideas are not discussed, younger cohorts don't have more information to potentially make different decisions and lead potentially better lives (depending on what they're optimizing for).
You're just using your kids as an excuse for your own short comings. People do done all those things you listed while having more than two kids. Seriously, blaming your health problems on your children?
I know this is a week old post so there will likely not be any follow up but I have several friends that seem to have it all
They have 2 or 3 kids. They love their kids and love spending time with them. Yet, they still have time for hobbies and side projects. I don't know how they do it
1 friend, 2 kids (8-12), FAANG job, 2nd company on the side with a partner, plays horror games and writes about them.
1 friend, 2 kids (7-11), FANNG job, plays video games with this brother remotely, takes his kids out often and they hang out with this friends (we all love the kids). He's also the cook in the house and has people over often. Goes snowboarding in the window.
1 friend, 3 kids (6-8-10), plays videos games (hobby 1), plays guitar (hobby 2), does photograph (hobby 3), see his picts on facebook all the time of the latest thing he's doing
1 friend, 3 kids (8, 10, 12), makes video games for a job and makes his own at home for hobby. One of this kids is also into making video games which they share.
1 friend, 2 kids, tech job, loves VR, plays VR with kids, writes tech tutorials for blogs as hobby.
I'm not saying "you can do it too", I'm just saying I see example of people that somehow *seem* like they're enjoying visiting friends, playing music, having time for hobbies, and they have kids
Would love to know if they just lucked out. If there's specific things they do. Or if it's just an attitude. Or something else.
yeah, there are times when I've felt like that, but they're pretty fleeting
at what age did you start a family? I think one of the reasons people should start a family a bit later (early thirties maybe) is so that they have the opportunity to experience/enjoy those things without kids (and not have to wait until the kids are all grown up and then they're in their 50s and it's just not the same as the stuff you can do in your 20s).
